So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
