I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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