HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
