when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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