if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
