Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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