I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
