Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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