One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
