True but thats because hes a fetus.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
