well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
