It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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