i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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