I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
