dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
