No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
