Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
