Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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