soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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