you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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