My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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