STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
