i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
