Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize