Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you had me at cake vodka
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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