Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
