wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
