You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
