i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
