I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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