Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
