I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
