my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
