Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
