Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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