Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
