well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
