Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
