Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
