He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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