I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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