I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
