cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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