So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
