you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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