I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
