If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
