I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
