My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
