new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
