im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
