where am i from again
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
