I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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